There was no way that I could pay for a car and insurance and gas. It's already enough work to try to make money to put myself through college. Yet, I fully trusted that He would provide.
After talking to my parents, I began to look at cars. Nothing really seemed to work out. But I wasn't worried. I knew that God had a car for me.
One morning, I got a call from my Dad. He told me that after talking about it, he and Mom had decided that they were going to give me a car that they had gotten recently. It was a red Mazda Tribute and it was literally the exact kind of car that I had wanted. I was so excited. I gushed to my friends about how my prayers had been answered, and I just knew this was His I love you.
A couple of days later, I got a call from my Mom. She told me that things weren't going to work out for me to drive the tribute, but she and Dad would get our old minivan fixed up for me and I could have that for free. I agreed that this would be better; that it would work. I knew it would, but I was still disappointed.
I knew how much God had blessed me by giving me this vehicle, it just wasn't what I had expected. I had prayed but I had not been fully prepared for what He was actually going to give me and how He was going to teach me. You see, sometimes when we pray, we're not ready for the answer. We often pray expecting the best and are unwilling to accept the unconventional way that God sometimes answers.
He has already taught me. That night, I had an internal struggle and I knew that I had to be alone (something that is much easier said than done in community living). I shut myself in the prayer and study room and sank into a bean bag. "Why is it that I always get the worst things and some girls just get the best handed to them? And I work so hard, yet my hair is a mess, I'm scared the freshman 15 may be a reality, there's no boy for me, I'm struggling to pay for college, I have so many little idiosyncrasies, and I'm going to drive a minivan."
In the midst of all my selfish complaining, I felt God's peace. Yes, I may not have the best of everything, but look at all that I do have. Look how God is teaching me every day and how I'm growing in Him. Nothing can buy the wonder of all that I have in Him.
The next day, I thought about what a great blog post this story would make, about my revelation that His good was more than good enough. I thought about how others would respond, "Wow, she's so self-sacrificing and mature. She really has it all together." Yep, this was great post material.
That afternoon as I begrudgingly went to Terra Firma (The freshman orientation class that no one really likes), God showed me how mature and self-sacrificing I actually was. Our topic was refugees, something that I am already very passionate about. But as we sat and watched a video about these refugees, I felt such shame. Here I was thinking that I would be praised for accepting God's blessing, when so many people daily struggle just to survive.
I wish that I could say that I'm always thankful for what He has given me, but I'm not. Often, I complain about it and struggle with discontentment. Even now, I still don't fully want to drive this minivan, but I will, and I will learn from it. It will be a reminder that God knows best and that my weak human desires are nothing in comparison to His love and the blessings that result. I didn't know that I needed an attitude check, but He did, as He always does.
The Perks of Driving a Minivan
- Lots of extra seating so I can actually drive my friends legally
- I'm one step closer to being an actual soccer mom
- No one will steal it
- If I get in a wreck I might actually make money
- There a heck of a lot of cup holders
- I'll always recognize my van right away in the college parking lot full of little cars
- Super big trunk so I could go on random shopping sprees
- It's not "mini"van, It's a "party"van
- Nothing says wife me like a big blue minivan, right?
You forgot one... road trip vehicle!!
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