My First Semester of College

   

     As I write this, I am sitting at my desk with a record playing in the background.  On either side of me, there are windows that look out on the street below.  Everything is covered in white, similar to a duvet, fluffy and comforting.  The snow means Christmas is almost here.  It's like nature's way of reminding us that happiness and joy are quickly approaching.
      I haven't lived here very long.  In fact, I've lived at school longer than I've lived in this room.  It's odd.  Something that should feel familiar doesn't.  In fact, not too much has felt familiar in a very long time.  Even me.
     This isn't all bad.  I've grown so much in this past year, it's crazy.  High school senior me wouldn't even recognize college freshman me.  But I do feel stripped of what I thought I was and what I thought I knew.
    For eighteen years, I lived in the same little town.  I had the same routine and I did my own thing.  I wanted to come to Cornerstone to break out of that and truly find myself and who God intends me to be.  I was bursting with hope and imagination and an innocent curiosity.
      Those things still exist and maybe in some ways they are growing stronger.  There's nothing like feeling that you have a world of possibilities right at your fingertips.  But that's a lot of power for a very young and inexperienced person.  Sometimes I feel that I hold my life in my hands and it's so likely that I will mess it all up; as though opportunity and I are on a collision course and I am swerving.  But I need to remember that it is not I who holds my future, but God.


     Final exams are over and I couldn't be happier.  I needed the break, and guess what?  I made it!  I made it through one semester of college, through a move to another state, through endless changes and new things.  Before this year, I had never even gone to an actual school.  I had been alone most days.  Now I am surrounded by people at all hours of the day and night.  It's a lot.  And it's different.  But here I am; I made it.
     It hasn't all been easy and some of it has been painful, but it's been worth it.  I feel a strange mixture of confidence and uncertainty.  Now more than ever, I feel capable.  I used to be the quiet girl, afraid to call attention to herself.  Now, I make new friends quickly and in abundance.  It's a complete 180.  This is where the uncertainty comes in.  I'm still so not used to this side of myself, and as much as I love it, I question it.  It's not my natural drive and it takes a lot of energy to constantly meet new people and try new things.
     While this time has been very challenging, I am seeing God working in it and in me.  I crave His hand in my life and His provision, with which he has been so graciously faithful.  I guess the most prominent reflection in my mind is that I have struggled, but God has been faithful and I know that my experience is what I make of it.  For that reason, I look forward to next semester and thank God for the blessing of allowing me to come to Cornerstone.

Reflections

• Talking to new people isn't too scary
• Know your limits
• Take care of yourself
• Treat others with relentless kindness
• Make Christ a priority and communicate often
• Don't sweat the little things
• It's not too hard to balance things as long as you're disciplined 
• Embrace your passions
• It's okay not to be perfect.  No one is.
• Live loved
• Value your family
• Don't forget where you came from
• Be inclusive, not exclusive
• Treat everyone equally
• Seek help when you need it
• Deeply value those who value you
• Don't let your mind run away with itself
• Understand that you still have a lot of room to grow
• Soak up knowledge
• Capture every moment
• Love the little things
• Choose to have good days
• Know that it's okay to not have it all figured out, just live.