Love means a million different things and can be demonstrated in a million different ways. Somehow, our feelings towards this day of love have switched. Instead of feeling love, I think many of us, especially single, young women or men, tend to feel less than lovable. The couples post pictures of their perfect happiness, filtered and edited to look just right. Meanwhile, the rest of us scroll, begrudgingly doubletapping. If you relate to this, then I am just like you. Young. Single. But not unlovable. Not unworthy.
We are more alike than we are different.; all searching for meaning and validity. At our core, we were given a desire to be loved and to be known. And that's not a bad thing. The problem is when we allow our desire to feed us lies. Your relationship status does not reflect your value. You are more than enough. You are one in a million. Don't doubt it.
This Valentine's Day, I felt loved. I had no prospects; no hope for a fun valentines day date, but I felt so unbelievably, undeniably, overwhelmingly loved. I went to chapel and sat alone, attempting to study for a test I had that day. As the service began, golden shards of light streamed in from the stained glass window. In those stolen moments, I saw the beauty of God and felt the warmth of His love shining on me.
Throughout the day, I got texts and letters from family and friends. That afternoon, my Mom and Gram stopped by campus to drop off some things that I needed and they surprised me with gifts, flowers, and a balloon. As I sat to talk with them, Gram commented on how happy I sounded. And I was happy. I was so happy to be surrounded by love. Love from a faithful Father and love from amazing friends and family.
I don't plan on being single forever, but every day I'm realizing that this is not a time to rush through, yearning for future relationships and feeling less than for not having one now. My God has so many lessons to teach me and so many ways to show me that His love is infinitely rich. He's reminding me that His second commandment is to love my neighbor. I am called to love others rather than seeking love from them. If I am secure in myself and who He made me to be, I am in a much better place to love them well. I cannot pour out of an empty cup.
Being single is a gift. If I had jumped into a relationship at the beginning of freshman year, I would have missed out on so many amazing friendships and revealing self-discovery. Sometimes it hurt but that hurt was really only growing pains.
I have never felt more confident in who I am than right now. This is the sweetest realization considering my past.
As a child, I was a leader. I was a very, very happy kid. I spent many carefree days in the sun playing with my friends. I was creative. I was kind. I was confident.
In junior high and high school, I felt the weight of self hatred. I feared rejection or judgement of any kind. So, I didn't open my mouth. I didn't want to say or do anything that would cause others to think less of me.
I lived in fear of rejection for so long, that I forgot who I even was. I forgot those carefree, sunny days where I lived in the light. I chose the darkness instead. Maybe the worst part was the fact that I did it to myself. There was no one holding me back from being me than me. I regret all of those years that I lost as a slave to fear.
September 1, 2017. My life changed forever. I was thrown into a completely different world from the comfortable little bubble of routine and safety that I had grown accustomed to. I was thrown into the deep end and God was the only rescue I had.
There is no way to describe the freedom that college, or more specifically, Cornerstone University, gave me. I no longer feared the judgement of others, instead, I approached others with boldness. Since coming to Cornerstone, I have been told I am confident. I have been told that I make friends quickly and easily. I have been told that people wished they were more like me. I walk into the cafeteria without anxiety and I sit with any group of people. I say hi to others by name and smile as I pass them. Love is freedom. Knowing that I am loved, I can rest. Why does it matter what anyone thinks anyways? I live to please God, not others.
This Valentine's Day was more like a week-long celebration because a few different groups of my girlfriends wanted to celebrate valentines together. I was reminded how thankful I am to have met such genuine, loving young women. We are all so different, but we are united by the love we share in Christ, and that's a powerful thing.
I don't have a boyfriend and I don't have any prospects, but I have never felt more loved. Sometimes I still feel less than and crave a relationship, or at least, the attention of someone that I like, but then I am reminded of all that I do have. I am learning to trust; and while trusting, to rest in His love.
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