Choosing Contentment

     Sometimes it feels like life just races by and I am left trying to catch up, as though my brain cannot take in the amount of information that is attempting to be received.  So many things to think about; so many things that shouldn't be thought about.  It can be overwhelming, trying to seek hard after God when many things are vying for my attention.
     I'm just trying to figure it all out.  Only a couple of months in and I feel like I'm right on the edge of understanding something big that God wants to show me.  Throughout this time it's been really hard to hear God.  Things and people masqueraded as God, whether I was choosing boys, friends, opportunities, or even homework, God always seemed to be second.  That's probably why things never added up.  Take God out of the equation and all you get is emptiness.  Emptiness sometimes disguises itself in fake fulfillment.  Sure, I was distracted, even believing that I was maintaining my relationship with Christ, but I was only surviving, not thriving.
     The thing that I said in coming here to Cornerstone, that I was most excited about was the opportunity to grow as a Christian.  Being here is unlike anywhere else.  People say hi to you everywhere, ask how you're doing, and if you're not doing too well, they might pray for you right then.  At first I wondered how anyone could ever struggle with their walk with Christ here, or how anyone could be depressed with so much faith and love around them.  Now I understand.
     I haven't been able to be content.  I've been having the time of my life, but still, I've been looking. I'm looking for that boyfriend, that best friend, the popularity, the grades, the talent, the acceptance.  They were (and are) so in reach it almost taunts me.  I know that all I need is time, but I'm not a patient person.  That's where God comes in.  He says to give my burdens to Him.  He tells me that He is all I need.  He shows me that I am loved and blesses me again and again.  When I doubt, He knows.


     Sometimes that means instead of listening to a song that makes me wallow and feel bad for myself I listen to a song like "How He Loves."  Knowing when to take the focus off of myself and my imperfections and putting it on God and His love for me is crucial.  Being happy and confident in Him is a choice.
     Contentment doesn't come easy to me.  We were asked a question today in class, "If you could ask God for one thing, what would that be?"  Immediately I thought of contentment.  If only I was content I could look on life with a brighter attitude.  I could live without wanting anything.  Imagine how much stress that would take out of life.  If we were thankful for what we had rather than seeking more.
     I fill my life with so much busyness, looking for fulfillment in my accomplishments.  I like to hear the affirmation of others but really I need affirmation from myself.  I need to be confident in who I am before looking to others.  So often the negative emotions can just tear me down, but if I had a solid foundation in who I am I could withstand them.
     It hasn't all been doubts and insecurities.  I have experienced so much joy and growth.  I've learned so much, but I know I still have so far to go.
     I got the opportunity to go out for coffee with my RA and we were able to talk about so much.  She told me that she loved Cornerstone for what she had experienced here.  I love it for all I know I'm going to experience, and that makes me excited.  I have so much ahead of me and I'm ready for the journey.
   
LIFE UPDATES

     Since one of the purposes of this blog is to keep y'all updated on what's happening in college I thought I would write about a few highlights since my last post.  To be honest, it's kind of hard to remember what I even did yesterday, so we'll see how this goes!:)

• Over fall break I went to visit Kiera (my best friend since Jr. High) in Chicago.  It was kind of a last minute thing but that made it so much more fun!  I drove down with some Cornerstone students on Friday and stayed at Moody (where Kiera goes to school) through Sunday night.  On Friday night we hung out with Josh, one of my friends from CU who had driven down with me.  On Saturday we went to Wicker Park, a unique business neighborhood away from downtown Chicago.  There were vintage shops, coffee, cookie, and donut shops, old bookstores, and so many other cool things.  We hung out at a really fun coffee shop called Fairgrounds.  On Sunday we went and saw the Chicago Marathon and walked around downtown Chicago.  This trip was so special to me because I was able to be completely free with Kiera.  We talked about anything and everything and I left so encouraged.  It's kind of nice when you have a best friend as wise and godly as Kiera, and I'm very very thankful for her.  Love you Kiera!
• I experienced my first college midterms which surprisingly weren't too scary or hard for me.  
• I've been watching all of the Bears games here at school.  They remind me of home and it's kind of fun to talk to other people about football in general, even though most people here tend to tell me that the Bears are terrible.  Hey, they're not doin too bad right now!
• Cornerstone had this thing called Midnight Madness, which is basically a hype up event for the basketball teams.  Sidenote, I'm really excited for basketball season because our team is really really good, like national championship good.  Everyone got free shirts so of course I was in.  Both the teams did dance routines, there was a three point contest, half-court shots, and tailgating before the main event.

• I went to see the national Broadway tour of Wicked with my family this weekend and it was sooo good!  I forgot how much I missed theatre until then.  Also, I'm going to Les Miserables in November and I'm so excited!
• Tonight, I'm hosting a prospective student overnight.  I haven't gotten to do it yet, so I'm super excited!  Last year I came and stayed overnight and it was a great experience; I want to give the same to someone else.

Please keep me in your prayers as I continue learning and growing here at school.  Pray that I would remain steadfast and seek the Lord continually.  I've been trying to keep up with people back home, but never hesitate to call, text, Facetime, send me mail, anything!  I'm thankful for you all!